When it comes to mobile applications, Apple’s app store has always been top dog, it’s jam-packed with a whole bunch of really great apps you probably never even knew existed, as well as a whole load of not-so-great ones, then of course there’s the apps that are just down right pointless.
If you want to access your PC while you’re at a friend’s house, there’s an app for that. If you want to find the nearest gas station, there’s an app for that. If you want to record your bowel habits and share them with your buddies, yeah, you guessed it, there’s even an app for that. If for some bizarre reason you want to start mappin’ where you’re crappin’, Poop The World can be had for $0.99 from the app store. If that’s not pointless enough for you, check out my top 5 worst iPhone apps bellow.
1. FatBurner2K
If you’re too lazy to eat right or exercise, FatBurner2K is right up your street, that is, of course, if you’re more gullible than a fat kid chowing down on some sugar-free cotton candy. The developers say that FatBurner2k is a “mobile gym that works on your terms”. Essentially the app makes your iDevice vibrate. When placed on your belly, it magically transforms you from Mr. Blobby to Mr. Motivator, while you watch your favourite TV shows in the comfort of your favourite armchair, with a doughnut in one hand and your “mobile gym” in the other.
2. Hair Clinic For Man And Woman
The people who make this completely useless app claim that it’s the “world’s first mobile hair clinic system”. They say the app creates “inaudible frequencies that promotes blood circulation around hair roots.” It’s easy to use, all you do is move the iPhone or iPod around your scalp while the app sends the frequencies.
I’m not sure what’s worse, FatBurner2K or this. If you actually pay $8.99 for it, you mostly certainly deserve all the strange looks you’ll get for rubbing your shiny phone around your shiny bald head.
3. I Am Rich
If you’ve got an iPhone and $999.99 burning a hole in your deep pockets, you’ll be sad to have missed out on I Am Rich. For a thousand bangers, you get a massive glowing red diamond on your iPhone screen. What does it do? Nothing, zip, nada, except give you that obnoxious sense of satisfaction from knowing you could afford to throw a G away, know what I mean? Nope, didn’t think so. Before it mysteriously disappeared from the app store, eight people actually bought it.
4. Hang Time
Hang Time measures how high you can throw your iPod or iPhone in the air. Basically you throw your iDevice as high as you can and the app tells you how far it goes and how much time it is in the air for.
HangTime will set you back $0.99, plus the cost of another handset once yours inevitably smashes on the floor.
5. Beer Opener
The developers of this app describes it as – “Experience the joy of opening a cold refreshing beer without the inconvenience of actually drinking beer!”
If you haven’t already guessed it, Beer Opener lets you pretend to open a bottle of Bud. All you do is hold your iPhone or iPod over the bottle, grab the virtual cap on the screen and open away, without the hassle of actually having to drink the thing. Anyone else think they’re missing the point here?
